i felt the need to vent about this issue here as well (not just on facebook)!
i can't get over the way college kids stare at me.
yes, i call them kids.
if i could put words to their thoughts, i'm pretty sure it would be something as follows:
"ahhh, no she didn't!", "knocked-up?! that sucks", "i bet she wishes she could take back that one night stand", "slut".....i could go on and on.
the stares (or should i say, glares?) at my pregnant belly seem to be a bit fewer in number when i am with MK...but not much.
a part of me is flattered that i still look young enough for others to think i'm in college, but most of me is just annoyed.
i'm 24 years old.
i have a college degree.
i have a solid marriage...
and faith in Christ.
and i'm dedicated to being the best mother i can be!
get off it.
what is more upsetting, is i know many of the kids who judge me...are engaging in some unhealthy and unstable behaviors! any one of them could find themselves being a parent before they finish college.
shrug, i guess maturity and objectiveness are acquired at different points for different people...if ever at all.
SLK
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
something needs to change.
Interesting how life happens.
This post is by no means a response to MK's posting. Hum, or is it?
Today on the way home from work I decided to listen to the radio.
This is rather unusual for me or Marshall to do, especially since we live in New Hampshire. The radio stations here, for the most part, are GARBAGE! On the days I do try to listen to the radio, I generally end up on NHPR (New Hampshire Public Radio) - not exactly what I call music!
Today I ended up on a station called The Positive Alternative. Despite the ridiculous name, the song that was playing, well for lack of a better description, "moved me".
This post is by no means a response to MK's posting. Hum, or is it?
Today on the way home from work I decided to listen to the radio.
This is rather unusual for me or Marshall to do, especially since we live in New Hampshire. The radio stations here, for the most part, are GARBAGE! On the days I do try to listen to the radio, I generally end up on NHPR (New Hampshire Public Radio) - not exactly what I call music!
Today I ended up on a station called The Positive Alternative. Despite the ridiculous name, the song that was playing, well for lack of a better description, "moved me".
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
- "There Will Be A Day" by Jeremy Camp
I didn't fully cry out, but tears welled up in my eyes. I've been terrible at being a follower of Christ lately. I'm just going through the motions - without the heart. I feel stagnant, yet I'm doing nothing with my faith to change my relationship with God. Even when I pray - my prayers seem hollow. But when I listened to this song, I realized I still believe it all - there will be a day when I will no longer feel sadness or pain, I won't battle depression, and I won't worry. I will be with Christ and my soul will be at peace.
God - allow my faith to grow, my heart to heal, and return my passion to serve only you.
SLK
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
- "There Will Be A Day" by Jeremy Camp
I didn't fully cry out, but tears welled up in my eyes. I've been terrible at being a follower of Christ lately. I'm just going through the motions - without the heart. I feel stagnant, yet I'm doing nothing with my faith to change my relationship with God. Even when I pray - my prayers seem hollow. But when I listened to this song, I realized I still believe it all - there will be a day when I will no longer feel sadness or pain, I won't battle depression, and I won't worry. I will be with Christ and my soul will be at peace.
God - allow my faith to grow, my heart to heal, and return my passion to serve only you.
SLK
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Continued Comments on the Collapse of Christianity
I love alliterations.
So, I promised some thoughts on the articles I posted earlier this month on the collapse of Christianity in our modern society. Here we go.
I am not always proud to call myself a Christian. That's a bit odd, I know, considering that I claim that my faith is in the One who represents the true God and true salvation. I should make it clear, though, that I don't shirk away from the title because of who God is. Rather, I hesitate to identify myself with who I am and who we are as a collective race of traitorous and fallen cowards.
These articles comment on the fact that less Americans are choosing to identify as Christian. The point is also made that Americans aren't shifting their faith to another God or religious tradition, but are instead choosing to reject identifying with any religion at all. To that, I have no defense. Honestly, can you blame anyone for denying God or His teachings in today's world?
In America, the Christian God is the God of our politicians and our elite. In America, we have "respected" leaders preaching messages of intolerance and hate and doing so in the name of God. In America, we have Christian leaders who spend more time writing books and appearing on TV shows than they spend working to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. In America, we claim faith in a God who tells us to sell all of our possessions and give to the poor, but we fight tooth and nail against our taxes being raised. In America, we are appalled that a woman might abort her unborn fetus and we tout the righteousness of all life, but we change the channel when the news comments on the nearly 100,000 innocent lives that have been lost in Iraq since the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom.
In America, God is an idea but not an action. He is a fictional character. He is not meaningful in a positive way. He doesn't help.
So, can we really blame our brothers and sisters who can't find it in their hearts to love Him?
I do not mean to degrade the genuine faith in Christ that is practiced in this country by millions of His selfless, positive, loving servants. I don't mean to say that all Christians are evil or fake. I certainly don't believe that about myself, nor do I believe it about you if you're reading this as a Christian.
What I mean to say is that Christianity as a whole in this country has settled into a pattern of wanting to have its cake and eat it, too. We want the salvation of Christ and the indulgence of our human nature. We want two separate things. There's a line from a NOFX song: " The guilty don't feel guilty; they learn not to." We've taught ourselves that God didn't really mean everything that He said. He only meant the convenient parts.
I'm not entirely opposed to the collapse of the Christian faith in the country because I'm not entirely sure that we should really be working that hard to protect the type of Christianity we've come to settle for. I don't think that Christ would really be that proud of what we've accomplished in His name. I don't think that we should be working to protect the various contemporary Pharisees we've allowed to represent our God. I don't think that we should pay attention to what other, more educated and powerful "Christians" think. I don't think we should be devoting ourselves to churches that look less like houses of worship and more like factories of a merchandised faith .
What I am for is the continuing democratization of the Christian faith. I am for the resurgence of faith on a personal level. I am for the Holy Spirit being allowed to do His job in pointing us in the right direction instead of having the church continue to follow practices that were set in place and constructed hundreds of years ago. The Holy Spirit is God's way of talking to us on a daily basis, but I fear we've shut Him up in favor of settling for a packaged faith that comes with easy to follow rituals, holidays, and ceremonies. We've bought the package because of it's wrapping, but we're finally coming to realize that the box is empty.
I am not opposed to the collapse of Christianity because I believe that the collapse of Christianity is not exactly the same as the collapse of Christ. He persists through all things. The beauty of the Christian faith is that Christ came with the specific intent of getting to know every one of us as individuals. The beauty of Christ is that He came to built a church in the heart of every person.
I am not opposed to the collapse of Christianity is this society because I am confident that my faith in Christ will not fall in turn.
Stay Gold,
MMK
So, I promised some thoughts on the articles I posted earlier this month on the collapse of Christianity in our modern society. Here we go.
I am not always proud to call myself a Christian. That's a bit odd, I know, considering that I claim that my faith is in the One who represents the true God and true salvation. I should make it clear, though, that I don't shirk away from the title because of who God is. Rather, I hesitate to identify myself with who I am and who we are as a collective race of traitorous and fallen cowards.
These articles comment on the fact that less Americans are choosing to identify as Christian. The point is also made that Americans aren't shifting their faith to another God or religious tradition, but are instead choosing to reject identifying with any religion at all. To that, I have no defense. Honestly, can you blame anyone for denying God or His teachings in today's world?
In America, the Christian God is the God of our politicians and our elite. In America, we have "respected" leaders preaching messages of intolerance and hate and doing so in the name of God. In America, we have Christian leaders who spend more time writing books and appearing on TV shows than they spend working to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. In America, we claim faith in a God who tells us to sell all of our possessions and give to the poor, but we fight tooth and nail against our taxes being raised. In America, we are appalled that a woman might abort her unborn fetus and we tout the righteousness of all life, but we change the channel when the news comments on the nearly 100,000 innocent lives that have been lost in Iraq since the beginning of Operation Enduring Freedom.
In America, God is an idea but not an action. He is a fictional character. He is not meaningful in a positive way. He doesn't help.
So, can we really blame our brothers and sisters who can't find it in their hearts to love Him?
I do not mean to degrade the genuine faith in Christ that is practiced in this country by millions of His selfless, positive, loving servants. I don't mean to say that all Christians are evil or fake. I certainly don't believe that about myself, nor do I believe it about you if you're reading this as a Christian.
What I mean to say is that Christianity as a whole in this country has settled into a pattern of wanting to have its cake and eat it, too. We want the salvation of Christ and the indulgence of our human nature. We want two separate things. There's a line from a NOFX song: " The guilty don't feel guilty; they learn not to." We've taught ourselves that God didn't really mean everything that He said. He only meant the convenient parts.
I'm not entirely opposed to the collapse of the Christian faith in the country because I'm not entirely sure that we should really be working that hard to protect the type of Christianity we've come to settle for. I don't think that Christ would really be that proud of what we've accomplished in His name. I don't think that we should be working to protect the various contemporary Pharisees we've allowed to represent our God. I don't think that we should pay attention to what other, more educated and powerful "Christians" think. I don't think we should be devoting ourselves to churches that look less like houses of worship and more like factories of a merchandised faith .
What I am for is the continuing democratization of the Christian faith. I am for the resurgence of faith on a personal level. I am for the Holy Spirit being allowed to do His job in pointing us in the right direction instead of having the church continue to follow practices that were set in place and constructed hundreds of years ago. The Holy Spirit is God's way of talking to us on a daily basis, but I fear we've shut Him up in favor of settling for a packaged faith that comes with easy to follow rituals, holidays, and ceremonies. We've bought the package because of it's wrapping, but we're finally coming to realize that the box is empty.
I am not opposed to the collapse of Christianity because I believe that the collapse of Christianity is not exactly the same as the collapse of Christ. He persists through all things. The beauty of the Christian faith is that Christ came with the specific intent of getting to know every one of us as individuals. The beauty of Christ is that He came to built a church in the heart of every person.
I am not opposed to the collapse of Christianity is this society because I am confident that my faith in Christ will not fall in turn.
Stay Gold,
MMK
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Portland Head (above the 'Shire's Shoulders)
Sarah and I spent the day in Maine today. It was kind of a birthday day trip, but not really. We hung out with Heather, ate some good food, and hung out at the ocean for awhile. A good deal of time was spent walking around the shore at the Portland Head lighthouse. The weather was beautiful - clear skies, lots of sunshine, and temperatures in the low 50's. Not bad for mid-March, eh?
Anyway, we took some pictures. Enjoy.
Good times were had by all. Heather let me walk her dog, Moxie, which was sort of a treat for me. I'm very much a dog person and look forward to the day when I am not restricted from having pets so that I can get one. I'll settle for a child in the mean time, though.
As I sort of mentioned before, today was also Sarah's birthday. Nothing that we did was too celebratory or formally focused on the fact of her birth, but I did make her a cake. If you'll remember our posting from my birthday, Sarah went out of her way to make me probably the fanciest cake ever. I didn't try to top the cake she made me, but I think she enjoyed the cake I made her.
For the most part, life is good for us right now.
Stay Gold,
MMK
Anyway, we took some pictures. Enjoy.
Good times were had by all. Heather let me walk her dog, Moxie, which was sort of a treat for me. I'm very much a dog person and look forward to the day when I am not restricted from having pets so that I can get one. I'll settle for a child in the mean time, though.
As I sort of mentioned before, today was also Sarah's birthday. Nothing that we did was too celebratory or formally focused on the fact of her birth, but I did make her a cake. If you'll remember our posting from my birthday, Sarah went out of her way to make me probably the fanciest cake ever. I didn't try to top the cake she made me, but I think she enjoyed the cake I made her.
For the most part, life is good for us right now.
Stay Gold,
MMK
Thursday, March 12, 2009
possible tattoo plans.
Marshall's wedding ring has been lost.
Gasp, you say? I know, the whole ordeal is rather discomforting and just plain sad. Marshall first noticed the ring was gone Tuesday night. By the time he noticed the ring was missing, we had eaten dinner in the MUB, gone to our Prepared Childbirth Class, and had been home for about a half hour. (I should insert here that I said some rather disrespectful words on the car ride home from baby class during a little tif. I believe my words came out in something along the lines of "I don't like you, not one bit". I should also mention, I feel the lost wedding ring is revenge or a consequence of my brat behavior. BIG SIGH.) After Marshall convinced me he wasn't playing a horrible trick on me, we started searching the apartment, retracing some of our steps, and calling the hospital and dinning center to see if a ring had been found.
Despite all our efforts, the ring is still MIA. Grr. I realize the ring is only a symbol of our marriage - but I guess it just had a bit more sentimental meaning than I had previously realized. I put that ring on Marshall's finger the day we committed our lives to each other.
Shrug. So now we've begun discussing next steps. Marshall is under the impression the best way to move forward is to get a traditional diamond tattoo on his wedding ring finger. I'm not altogether opposed, I actually kind of like the idea...but I haven't moved on from wanting his original ring back. Meh, so we'll see what happens. I even selfishly prayed the ring would miraculously reappear, but I'm not sure I have a lot of faith that will happen.
SLK
Gasp, you say? I know, the whole ordeal is rather discomforting and just plain sad. Marshall first noticed the ring was gone Tuesday night. By the time he noticed the ring was missing, we had eaten dinner in the MUB, gone to our Prepared Childbirth Class, and had been home for about a half hour. (I should insert here that I said some rather disrespectful words on the car ride home from baby class during a little tif. I believe my words came out in something along the lines of "I don't like you, not one bit". I should also mention, I feel the lost wedding ring is revenge or a consequence of my brat behavior. BIG SIGH.) After Marshall convinced me he wasn't playing a horrible trick on me, we started searching the apartment, retracing some of our steps, and calling the hospital and dinning center to see if a ring had been found.
Despite all our efforts, the ring is still MIA. Grr. I realize the ring is only a symbol of our marriage - but I guess it just had a bit more sentimental meaning than I had previously realized. I put that ring on Marshall's finger the day we committed our lives to each other.
Shrug. So now we've begun discussing next steps. Marshall is under the impression the best way to move forward is to get a traditional diamond tattoo on his wedding ring finger. I'm not altogether opposed, I actually kind of like the idea...but I haven't moved on from wanting his original ring back. Meh, so we'll see what happens. I even selfishly prayed the ring would miraculously reappear, but I'm not sure I have a lot of faith that will happen.
SLK
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