I have decided to take a strong stand against alcohol in my life. I'm Straight Edge -- a teetotaler.
My choice to live this way has very little to do with anyone other than myself. I did not make the choice to reject alcohol based on what my friends would or would not think of the lifestyle, nor did I think I was putting myself on some higher level of living by choosing to no longer imbibe. I just didn't want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore. The choice was entirely about my life and how I wanted it to be lived.
The funny thing is that a lot of other people somehow don't (or won't, or can't) understand that. Which is shit, really, because they expect me to understand them and their choices.
I have dealt with a lot of people making assumptions about my opinions of them after they hear that I refuse alcohol and think the substance to be entirely vile. The fact that I'm Straight Edge has probably been more of a barrier in my effort to build meaningful relationships with others than it has been a help. Granted, I do choose to use fairly strong language when I talk about alcohol (i.e. "entirely vile"), but then again, I use that sort of language when talking about all sorts of things. I'm a strong-language type of guy.
I guess I just don't understand why people can't understand that I don't judge others based on their choice to drink just because I have chosen not to. I don't understand the assumed dualism that comes with any strongly held viewpoint. For example, why is it assumed that I hate drinkers just because I'm not one? Or that I hate Republicans just because I'm a socialist? There's an assumed interpersonal conflict that comes with the adoption of strong opinions. If you're passive or apathetic, though, you're assumed to be "open" or "accepting." Perhaps even relativistic. But I think I can be all of those things and still be outspoken about my thoughts on alcohol. Having an opinion does not make me unable to appreciate people who don't share that opinion.
I'm comfortable saying that a large part of me is defined by my adherence to the Straight Edge because I know what that means. It's clear to me how I incorporate the Edge into my daily life and how I am influenced by its axioms. I guess I'm uncomfortable having other people define me by the Edge, though, especially if they are not Edge themselves. Because to them (and from the outside), it's not something that seems very inclusive. The whole idea of Straight Edge is the rejection of things which are common place in our society. The pushing away of detractors in order to live a more focused, directed, and pure life. Again, it's about me. My life. Not yours or anyone, nor the decisions you make. But, if you don't understand that, you're not going to understand that I can believe something for myself without necessarily believing it for everyone else.
Here's the deal -- I judge the substance itself, I don't judge people who choose to use it. Unless, of course, their use of the substance somehow negatively impacts someone else. In that case, I certainly judge the individual. But who doesn't? Even those who drink would judge that sort of behavior. For me, though, it's not about if others drink or not. What really matters to me is that we have this substance, alcohol, that plays such a big part in our society. That is overly prevalent (especially in high school and college) and has created a culture which pressures people into situations and relationships where the substance itself becomes more central to things than the people involved. It bothers me that alcohol seems to have become bigger than the people who engage in its use. Not to mention the role alcohol plays in hundreds of thousands of assaults, rapes, robberies, and deaths in this country every year. It just seems to me that alcohol is a substance which has become, on some levels, uncontrollable. Now if you think you can control it and use it responsibly, then I've got to trust that you can. But for me, even if I think I could use it "responsibly," I wouldn't feel right about using a substance which is so heavily correlated with irresponsible behavior. So I choose not to use it.
I get a lot of questions about Straight Edge from people who are less interested in hearing an educational answer than they are with asking a zinger, "gotcha"-type question. "Oh, so it's about living a pure life and trying to be healthy? Well why don't you stop eating fast food? Heart disease kills more people than alcohol..."
The point isn't that I'm ever going to be able to purge myself entirely of bad or unhealthy things. If I did, I wouldn't ever watch TV, use the internet, drive a car, or play a physical sport. All of these things have addictive or harmful potential, just like alcohol. The point is not that I think anyone who drinks alcohol automatically devolves into a date-rapist who drives drunk on his/her way to the raping. Some very important people in my life consume alcohol "responsibly" and in a way which I am hard-pressed to critically condemn.
I've simply chosen to purge myself of this one thing in life which I have seen abused so heavily by my culture that I can see no other way in which to deal with the substance that to reject it entirely. Some people refuse to eat fast food because they're concerned about their health and want to maintain a certain body image. Other refuse to watch TV because they say it doesn't stimulate their brains and they'd like to pursue something more intelligent. I refuse alcohol because it invariably interrupts the human ability to reason clearly and with focus, something which I consider to be essential to the human experience. The social statistics related to the use of alcohol in our society are simply supporting facts to this basic refusal, as are the issues I have with the over-pressuring culture associated with alcohol.
So that's where I'm at right now with the Straight Edge. It is and will continue to be a big part of my life and how I see the world, but it's never going to be a big part of the relationships I develop and maintain with others. The only relationship it does matter in is my marriage. But, since the vast majority of people in this world are not my wife, then it shouldn't matter to them whether or not I think alcohol is a waste of time. Get over it, dudes. Don't think you're special enough for me to waste my time judging you 'cause you decide to fuck your life up with booze.
If you think I'm judging you for drinking, you're probably not comfortable with your decisions about alcohol in the first place. My choice to live substance-free is less like a finger pointing and waving at the outside world than it is a mirror in which the rest of you can see yourselves and your choices clearly reflected for what they actually are.
Okay.
This is ramble-tastic and probably not worth reading anymore. Also, just to be clear, it's not really directed at anyone who actually reads this blog. This is not a passive-aggressive swat at any of you... Just some thoughts I've had for a few years that I finally decided to write down.
Oh well.
Stay Gold,
MMK
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