(I decided to write the following as a precursor to a commentary I'll soon be writing on the Straight Edge and how it affects my relationships with others.)
I've been Straight Edge for nearly seven years. I was a non-drinker for eighteen years before I chose to imbibe. My time as a drinker spanned my half of my freshman year and entire sophomore year of college -- a fairly short span within the bigger time line of my life, but an important span given the point in my life at which it came.
I didn't drink in high school because I didn't see the point of it. A lot of kids seem to think that "because I can" is a good enough reason to do things like that, but I never got that. Also, I respected my mom too much to do something that I knew would have disappointed her. We never had any alcohol in the house when we were growing up, so it seemed unnatural that I would want to pursue it outside of the house as I got older. I guess it was an unknown thing, on some levels, which I was fine leaving alone.
I started drinking in college because I got tired of telling my friends "no" when they'd ask if I wanted to "party" with them. Also, alcohol became less of an unknown once I got to college. I became something in which I have no explicit interest, but which I really couldn't escape given my living environment and the people with whom I spent my time.
My first drinking experience was odd. My friend Tim asked if I wanted any alcohol for the night. Initially I declined like normal, but later talked myself into thinking that I might as well go for it. I didn't know what I should drink, though. Tim bought me vodka and orange soda, which I mixed and drank from the two-liter soda bottle. Not a very manly drink, I guess, but what did I know?
It's important to note at this point in the story that although I've since turned my back on vodka and alcohol in general, I still love orange soda. That's probably not actually important to note, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Orange soda is my preferred drink when I choose to gamble. This is because casinos distribute soda for free and orange soda is not something I generally drink on a regular basis. Hence, it's novelty when gambling. I haven't been to a casino in five years, though, and don't plan on returning to one anytime soon. Perhaps I should find a new and different event with which I might associate orange soda.
Anyway. I got drunk on vodka and orange soda and started feeling all funny like drunk people do. I remember thinking "hey, this feels sort of weird, but I still don't really see the big deal." My friends all thought it was awesome that I was drunk, though. They made this point repeatedly the next day. It was the first time I was really able to participate on a non-observatory level in the "on man, I was so wasted last night" conversation which happens over 1pm lunches the day after a group of college dudes drinks together. So that felt sort of rad. So then I decided that I should keep drinking.
I should point out that I never drank after that because I enjoyed the taste of alcohol. I drank only to get drunk. I still didn't see the point of drinking otherwise. I have the sneaking suspicion that most college kids don't actually see the point of drinking, but that they make drunkenness the "point" in order to justify their choices. There is no point, really, but they create one because they don't have the sack to go against the norm. At least I was normal in that regard, I suppose. It's probably one of the last times I was "normal" in relation to the people in my social circle. I've generally been the outlier in one regard or another since then.
I decided to stop drinking because I grew up and realized that I had no real reason to drink. I remember sitting around a fire at my friend's house one night during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college and drinking a lot of alcohol. I didn't feel drunk, though, and I was angry that I wasn't drunk. So, I stopped drinking for the night. Thinking over it the next day, I was sort of angry with myself for being so angry about not being drunk the night before. What right did I have to be mad about not being drunk when I didn't even really like alcohol in the first place? So then I decided that I should stop drinking entirely.
Some people have alcohol abuse in their families. Others have very traumatic experiences with alcohol which make them choose not to drink. My choice was not necessarily driven by either of these things (though both have inspired my decision to remain Straight Edge). More than anything, I guess my choice become Straight Edge was a result of my acknowledgment of the fact that I had been illogically choosing to drink for the two years leading up to my sobriety. It's one of the few "a-ha" moments that I can point to in my life and definitively say that I was more mature after that moment than before (in my own perception, anyway).
So now I'm Straight Edge and I will be until my life is over.
Hence... Stay Gold.
MMK
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