Family Christmas

We had a lovely first Christmas of three.

...The stockings were hung by the kitchen counter with care:


On Christmas morning, we had Banana Nut Muffins and opened our stockings before we got ready for the day:


Then after some showers we were ready to open presents! Thanks to family for the thoughtful Christmas gifts. We'd like to say Norah really enjoyed her gifts too, but I have to admit she was more entertained by the wrapping paper. She had a minor melt down at one point due to sleepiness, but overall, we had a really good time.



Reading about the birth of Jesus, kid version:


A new i-run for Poppy:


We spent the early afternoon cooking while video chatting with MK's family. Once the food was prepared, we headed over to our friend's house. Their family also lives far away, and they have a little one who is a month and a half. We shared a meal and enjoyed each others' company. Having such great friends is a definite blessing.

Our family on Christmas (sorry, this is taken about 5 minutes before we started Norah's bedtime routine. She clearly does not look impressed):


Today I bought a Sterilite Ornament Box and took down the Christmas tree/decorations. It was a little sad, but I also received my last Christmas gift (yahoo!):


We love you all. Hope you all had a blessed Christmas.
Hugs.

What This Means to Me

My God was born weak and powerless despite His omnipotence. Impoverished and cast aside. Into a world of pain and suffering and perpetual back-stabbing. Of a humanity which has proven itself to be more of a destructive and corrupting force than benevolent one.

The fact that my God would leave His place on high to inhabit a place so low is almost incomprehensible. That someone so worthy would come to live among the worthless and, in the process, devolve into what I wish to evolve out of is beyond my understanding.

I worship a God who does not fit into my logic or appreciation of the way things ought to be, and for that I am thankful.

What a beautiful God there must be.

Stay Gold. Merry Christmas.

MMK

Booze: Part II

I have decided to take a strong stand against alcohol in my life. I'm Straight Edge -- a teetotaler.

My choice to live this way has very little to do with anyone other than myself. I did not make the choice to reject alcohol based on what my friends would or would not think of the lifestyle, nor did I think I was putting myself on some higher level of living by choosing to no longer imbibe. I just didn't want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore. The choice was entirely about my life and how I wanted it to be lived.

The funny thing is that a lot of other people somehow don't (or won't, or can't) understand that. Which is shit, really, because they expect me to understand them and their choices.

I have dealt with a lot of people making assumptions about my opinions of them after they hear that I refuse alcohol and think the substance to be entirely vile. The fact that I'm Straight Edge has probably been more of a barrier in my effort to build meaningful relationships with others than it has been a help. Granted, I do choose to use fairly strong language when I talk about alcohol (i.e. "entirely vile"), but then again, I use that sort of language when talking about all sorts of things. I'm a strong-language type of guy.

I guess I just don't understand why people can't understand that I don't judge others based on their choice to drink just because I have chosen not to. I don't understand the assumed dualism that comes with any strongly held viewpoint. For example, why is it assumed that I hate drinkers just because I'm not one? Or that I hate Republicans just because I'm a socialist? There's an assumed interpersonal conflict that comes with the adoption of strong opinions. If you're passive or apathetic, though, you're assumed to be "open" or "accepting." Perhaps even relativistic. But I think I can be all of those things and still be outspoken about my thoughts on alcohol. Having an opinion does not make me unable to appreciate people who don't share that opinion.

I'm comfortable saying that a large part of me is defined by my adherence to the Straight Edge because I know what that means. It's clear to me how I incorporate the Edge into my daily life and how I am influenced by its axioms. I guess I'm uncomfortable having other people define me by the Edge, though, especially if they are not Edge themselves. Because to them (and from the outside), it's not something that seems very inclusive. The whole idea of Straight Edge is the rejection of things which are common place in our society. The pushing away of detractors in order to live a more focused, directed, and pure life. Again, it's about me. My life. Not yours or anyone, nor the decisions you make. But, if you don't understand that, you're not going to understand that I can believe something for myself without necessarily believing it for everyone else.

Here's the deal -- I judge the substance itself, I don't judge people who choose to use it. Unless, of course, their use of the substance somehow negatively impacts someone else. In that case, I certainly judge the individual. But who doesn't? Even those who drink would judge that sort of behavior. For me, though, it's not about if others drink or not. What really matters to me is that we have this substance, alcohol, that plays such a big part in our society. That is overly prevalent (especially in high school and college) and has created a culture which pressures people into situations and relationships where the substance itself becomes more central to things than the people involved. It bothers me that alcohol seems to have become bigger than the people who engage in its use. Not to mention the role alcohol plays in hundreds of thousands of assaults, rapes, robberies, and deaths in this country every year. It just seems to me that alcohol is a substance which has become, on some levels, uncontrollable. Now if you think you can control it and use it responsibly, then I've got to trust that you can. But for me, even if I think I could use it "responsibly," I wouldn't feel right about using a substance which is so heavily correlated with irresponsible behavior. So I choose not to use it.

I get a lot of questions about Straight Edge from people who are less interested in hearing an educational answer than they are with asking a zinger, "gotcha"-type question. "Oh, so it's about living a pure life and trying to be healthy? Well why don't you stop eating fast food? Heart disease kills more people than alcohol..."

The point isn't that I'm ever going to be able to purge myself entirely of bad or unhealthy things. If I did, I wouldn't ever watch TV, use the internet, drive a car, or play a physical sport. All of these things have addictive or harmful potential, just like alcohol. The point is not that I think anyone who drinks alcohol automatically devolves into a date-rapist who drives drunk on his/her way to the raping. Some very important people in my life consume alcohol "responsibly" and in a way which I am hard-pressed to critically condemn.

I've simply chosen to purge myself of this one thing in life which I have seen abused so heavily by my culture that I can see no other way in which to deal with the substance that to reject it entirely. Some people refuse to eat fast food because they're concerned about their health and want to maintain a certain body image. Other refuse to watch TV because they say it doesn't stimulate their brains and they'd like to pursue something more intelligent. I refuse alcohol because it invariably interrupts the human ability to reason clearly and with focus, something which I consider to be essential to the human experience. The social statistics related to the use of alcohol in our society are simply supporting facts to this basic refusal, as are the issues I have with the over-pressuring culture associated with alcohol.

So that's where I'm at right now with the Straight Edge. It is and will continue to be a big part of my life and how I see the world, but it's never going to be a big part of the relationships I develop and maintain with others. The only relationship it does matter in is my marriage. But, since the vast majority of people in this world are not my wife, then it shouldn't matter to them whether or not I think alcohol is a waste of time. Get over it, dudes. Don't think you're special enough for me to waste my time judging you 'cause you decide to fuck your life up with booze.

If you think I'm judging you for drinking, you're probably not comfortable with your decisions about alcohol in the first place. My choice to live substance-free is less like a finger pointing and waving at the outside world than it is a mirror in which the rest of you can see yourselves and your choices clearly reflected for what they actually are.

Okay.

This is ramble-tastic and probably not worth reading anymore. Also, just to be clear, it's not really directed at anyone who actually reads this blog. This is not a passive-aggressive swat at any of you... Just some thoughts I've had for a few years that I finally decided to write down.

Oh well.


Stay Gold,

MMK

Booze: Part I

(I decided to write the following as a precursor to a commentary I'll soon be writing on the Straight Edge and how it affects my relationships with others.)

I've been Straight Edge for nearly seven years. I was a non-drinker for eighteen years before I chose to imbibe. My time as a drinker spanned my half of my freshman year and entire sophomore year of college -- a fairly short span within the bigger time line of my life, but an important span given the point in my life at which it came.

I didn't drink in high school because I didn't see the point of it. A lot of kids seem to think that "because I can" is a good enough reason to do things like that, but I never got that. Also, I respected my mom too much to do something that I knew would have disappointed her. We never had any alcohol in the house when we were growing up, so it seemed unnatural that I would want to pursue it outside of the house as I got older. I guess it was an unknown thing, on some levels, which I was fine leaving alone.

I started drinking in college because I got tired of telling my friends "no" when they'd ask if I wanted to "party" with them. Also, alcohol became less of an unknown once I got to college. I became something in which I have no explicit interest, but which I really couldn't escape given my living environment and the people with whom I spent my time.

My first drinking experience was odd. My friend Tim asked if I wanted any alcohol for the night. Initially I declined like normal, but later talked myself into thinking that I might as well go for it. I didn't know what I should drink, though. Tim bought me vodka and orange soda, which I mixed and drank from the two-liter soda bottle. Not a very manly drink, I guess, but what did I know?

It's important to note at this point in the story that although I've since turned my back on vodka and alcohol in general, I still love orange soda. That's probably not actually important to note, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Orange soda is my preferred drink when I choose to gamble. This is because casinos distribute soda for free and orange soda is not something I generally drink on a regular basis. Hence, it's novelty when gambling. I haven't been to a casino in five years, though, and don't plan on returning to one anytime soon. Perhaps I should find a new and different event with which I might associate orange soda.

Anyway. I got drunk on vodka and orange soda and started feeling all funny like drunk people do. I remember thinking "hey, this feels sort of weird, but I still don't really see the big deal." My friends all thought it was awesome that I was drunk, though. They made this point repeatedly the next day. It was the first time I was really able to participate on a non-observatory level in the "on man, I was so wasted last night" conversation which happens over 1pm lunches the day after a group of college dudes drinks together. So that felt sort of rad. So then I decided that I should keep drinking.

I should point out that I never drank after that because I enjoyed the taste of alcohol. I drank only to get drunk. I still didn't see the point of drinking otherwise. I have the sneaking suspicion that most college kids don't actually see the point of drinking, but that they make drunkenness the "point" in order to justify their choices. There is no point, really, but they create one because they don't have the sack to go against the norm. At least I was normal in that regard, I suppose. It's probably one of the last times I was "normal" in relation to the people in my social circle. I've generally been the outlier in one regard or another since then.

I decided to stop drinking because I grew up and realized that I had no real reason to drink. I remember sitting around a fire at my friend's house one night during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college and drinking a lot of alcohol. I didn't feel drunk, though, and I was angry that I wasn't drunk. So, I stopped drinking for the night. Thinking over it the next day, I was sort of angry with myself for being so angry about not being drunk the night before. What right did I have to be mad about not being drunk when I didn't even really like alcohol in the first place? So then I decided that I should stop drinking entirely.

Some people have alcohol abuse in their families. Others have very traumatic experiences with alcohol which make them choose not to drink. My choice was not necessarily driven by either of these things (though both have inspired my decision to remain Straight Edge). More than anything, I guess my choice become Straight Edge was a result of my acknowledgment of the fact that I had been illogically choosing to drink for the two years leading up to my sobriety. It's one of the few "a-ha" moments that I can point to in my life and definitively say that I was more mature after that moment than before (in my own perception, anyway).

So now I'm Straight Edge and I will be until my life is over.

Hence... Stay Gold.

MMK

Silence.

I don't remember the last time I was this thankful for peace and quiet. The last 24 hours has been memorable but not enjoyable.

The three of us have been trading germs and fighting off the cold for the last week or so. Poor Norah has had a snot fountain for a nose the last 4 or 5 days. MK and I thought she was getting better. Last night we went through the normal bedtime routine, and Norah went down for the night without a fuss. However, much to our surprise, she woke up a couple hours later screaming. Most of you know...this is not normal for our little one. Norah will usually go down for the night around 7:30 and not wake until around 4:00 in the morning for a feeding. MK and I went in to console her. Norah's face was flushed and when I put my head against hers to snuggle I knew she had a fever.

Anyways, to make the story short, we are blessed to have a doctor who gives out her cell phone number to first time parents. She was very reassuring and calmed my nerves. The three of us didn't get much sleep last night. Norah would scream every time we tried to lay her down so for the first part of the night, we held her while she slept. Then we got smart and pulled the car seat out of the car. I'd say we are running on about 3 - 4 hours of sleep. Eeek. But we were able to take Norah to the Urgent Care Clinic this morning - she was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection and an ear infection. Nothing too serious, but she's now on an antibiotic to hopefully clear up the ear infection. So I'm hoping...no, scratch that...I'm praying tonight is a better night (so far, so good).

Other news? MK and I aren't too great at waiting until Christmas to give/open presents. Per MK's suggestion, I opened up a present tonight. He got me a sweet new pair of kicks. Perfect for work! Thanks hubbs, you're the best!

Work is going great. My boss is super nice, I've connected with my shift co-worker, the tasks are easy, and the hours allow me to be a mom. What more could I ask for? I still struggle with the fact I'm not really using my degree or adding a ton of money to our savings account...but I know where I'm at right now is exactly where I'm suppose to be. And that, is such a great and welcomed feeling.

Oh, and the silence tonight is not only from Norah (actually) sleeping but is also from the residents being on winter break! HOORAY! I LOVE this time of year! Hubbs & Norah...get ready for massive amounts of family hang out time! :o) I'm excited for our first Christmas as a family of 3! We will definitely post pictures.

I'll leave you with one of me and the babe. I love her so much.